The 2016 Plan

In my constant pursuit of finding a way to make money whilst putting in the least amount of effort possible, I came up with an idea.  I once read about a guy who would buy domain names of prospective athletes and then, when said athletes became big, he would sell the domain name to the athlete and make a buttload of money.

Sounds foolproof.

With the next Presidential election four years away, I figured I’d get a jump on the prospective candidates and cash in.  After getting excited about the prospect of making a quick (relatively speaking) buck off the backs of some rich politicians it seemed perfect.

Now it was time to buy up some domain names.

I started with the blue chippers, Hillary, Ryan, Christie.  Of course, I was late on all of them.

christie

I tried the savior/Poland Spring enthusiast, Marco Rubio.  No luck.

marcoRicky Rubio on the other hand…

ricky

It was time to settle for some dark horses.  For only $50, I could bet on General Petraeus changing his mind.  Not terrible, but also most likely a waste of $50.

david

Someone else was trying to sell SarahPalin2016.com for $50,0000, which would be the like me trying to sell my Tabasco the bull Beanie Baby on ebay for the equivalnt of – I don’t know – $50.000.

sarah

Even the C-listers were taken.

deval

 

Really Deval?  Get over yourself.

Having lost all hope, I turned to the D-List.  Dennis Kucinich.  And there it was, those beautiful words everyone wants to read, “Congratulations! denniskucinich2016.com is available.”

dennisI’ve already sent Dennis about fifty emails urging him to make a run in 2016.

Okay, I’ll admit it, I was behind the ball for 2016, but that doesn’t mean it was a bad idea.  I just have to set my sights further down the road.  maliaMaliaObama2052.com is mine.  Money in the bank.  Now, I’m going to put this up as collateral, get myself a $50,000 loan and move out of my parents basement.

Time to make it rain.

Five Reasons Hillary Won’t Be President in 2016

Hillary Clinton’s been unemployed for a little less than a week, and I’ve already read about a million articles anointing her the next President of the Unites States.  Here’s the thing though, she won’t be.  That’s not a slight against her personally (I supported her in 2008 – for the record).  The reasons she won’t have little to do with her and have even less to do with her politics.

There’s no questioning her credentials.  She would probably be one of the most qualified candidates to ever run, she’s tremendously popular (her favorability rating only trail, her beau, Bill and first lady Michelle Obama) and she’s a damn good politician, but none of that really matters.  Here’s five reason she won’t be the President in 2016.

She’s Old

This is very superficial  but very much a factor in Presidential elections.  In 2016, Hillary will be 69 years old, which would make her the second oldest non-incumbent President ever elected.  That’s twenty-two years older than Obama, fifteen years older than Bush 43, twenty-three years older than Bill and five years older than Bush 41 when they each, respectively, took office.  Ronald Reagan was the oldest President to be elected (also at 69), but while deemed a successful President, he was dogged by rumors about his age, his slipping mental health and eventually entered the beginning stages of Alzheimer’s in his second term (not a good precedent).

Next in Line

While being “next in line” seems like a good thing, it’s not, especially if you plan on running as a Democrat.  No “next in line” non-incumbent Democrat has won the presidency in the post FDR era.  Barack Obama, Bill Clinton, Jimmy Carter and JFK, were all considered Washington “outsiders”, who all ran on the same idea.  Change.  Furthermore, experience is often an important indicator of who will not win as a Democratic Nominee.  Democratic “next in line” candidates with strong quantifications have a remarkably terrible record in national elections (see: Al Gore, Walter Mondale or Adlai Stevenson II).

Andrew Cuomo

As of this exact moment, Hillary’s number one threat for the Democratic spot on the ticket is Andrew Cuomo.  The New York Governor who formerly served in the original Clinton administration already has a Presidential buzz following him.  He’s a favorite among liberals, beating President Obama to the punch on same-sex marriage, gun control and tax reform.  He received positive national attention for his handling of Hurricane Sandy.  He’s younger than Hillary, he’s from a popular Democratic legacy (albeit not as popular as the Clinton legacy, but still) and would no doubt be organized and well funded for a Presidential campaign.

The Republicans – Christie, Rubio, Ryan, Bush, Jindel and Super Dark House Petraeus

There’s been a lot made about the changing demographics of America and “the death” of the Republican Party.  To borrow a phrase from Joe Biden, that’s all a bunch of malarkey.  The truth is presidential primaries are very much like NBA drafts.  Some years are full of duds, some years are filled with studs,  The last two Republican primaries have been very much of the dud variety, so much so, that Herman Cain was, for a moment, the front runner in 2012 and that Sarah Palin was second on the ticket in 2008.  That’s not good.  The 2016 crop of potential candidates have the potential to be extremely strong.  To be honest, I think it’s really only a two man race, but some other names have to be given some respect.  First off, Bobby Jindel aka “the Indian Kenneth the Page” won’t win, but is definitely emerging as a party leader.  Paul Ryan is a tea party favorite and a good campaigner, but will probably be sunk by his association with Mitt Romney.  Jeb Bush is also being bandied as a possible 2016er, and even though a Clinton-Bush grudge match would be highly entertaining, being the brother and son of two unpopular Presidents is not going to do him any favors.  That leaves two heavyweight candidates, Chris Christie and Marco Rubio.  Rubio is sort of the Republican version of Barack Obama, a young minority change candidate, who is a strong communicator and extremely likable.  Christie is sort of a William Taft candidate, considering he’ll probably need a customized bath tube in White House.  Also, it’s worth mentioning Gen. David Petraeus as a super dark horse, even though he says he has no political aspirations and he ended his career in controversy, he’d definitely be a force if he decided to run and, if the Clintons taught us anything, it’s infidelity is no deal breaker when it comes to politics.

Barack Obama

More often than not Presidential elections are a referendum on the last President’s popularity.  McCain was sunk by Dubya’s incompetence.  Gore was hurt by Bill’s inability to keep it in his pants.  Bush 41 was buoyed by the overwhelming popularity of Reagan.  The Nixon scandals torpedoed Ford in ’76.  The LBJ policy in Vietnam did nothing to help Huhphrey in ’68.  Basically, what I’m saying is Obama holds a major responsibility in getting Hillary (or any other Democrat) elected in 2016.  If he slips up in his second term, it could spell doom for a potential Hillary Presidency.

Meek Mill 2016

I was going to get on my high horse and write about Obama’s landslide electoral victory.  I was going to write about how it encapsulated the Right’s biggest flaw.  No, not the rise of a New America, but the Right’s total aversion to fact, science and, as Bill Clinton put it, arithmetic.  In the days leading up to the election conservative pundits raved that the polls were wrong, that the math was biased or just plain bad.  That Mitt Romney would win in a landslide and defy whatever “magic” logarithms the loons on the left could cook  up.  This follows a disturbing Republican trend, when the facts aren’t on your side, stick your head in the sand and try to discredit the math and the science.  Whether it’s painting climate change as a farce, fighting against teaching evolution in schools, a complete ignorance to women’s reproductive parts, or an economic plan that just simply does not add up, the Right just refuses to accept the facts.

But then I listened to the new Meek Mill album and something much more important happened.  MEEK TOOK SHOTS AT CHRIS!!! HE TOOK SHOTS AT CHRIS BROWN!!!  I knew I always liked Meek, but I never quite new why.  Now I know.  HE TOOK SHOTS AT CHRIS!! And he aligned himself with Drake!  YES!  YES!  YES! This made the whole album worth it. I love when people take shots at Chris.  It’s one of my top three favorite things ever.  EVER!

Now let me digress for a second, because I can’t find any blogs talking about this at all.  After googling, “Chris Brown Meek Mill Beef,” “Meek Mill subliminal shots at Chris Brown” and “Young Kings Chris Brown Shots.” nothing, nothing at all.  All I could find were some old posts about twitter feuds and bottle throwing.  Is nobody else hearing this?  Am I the only one?

I’ll let you take a listen and see if you hear it,

Did you hear it? Did you?

Okay let me explain if you didn’t pick up on it.  A while ago Drake and Meek got into a champagne bottle throwing incident with one Chris Brown.  Okay, now let’s look at the chorus.

Young kings, young kings
I be rollin’ with some young kings, young kings
And we know one thing, one thing
Get money nigga fuck fame, and fuck fame
I be rollin’ with some young kings, young kings 
And we know one thing, one thing
Get money nigga fuck fame, and fuck fame”

There it is in print, see it now?

Meek says he’s “rolling with some young kings.”  Coincidentally, Drake refers to himself as a “young king” in the Nicki Minaj single, Moment for Life.  Meek also references the Drizzy motto YOLO in his first verse of Young Kings.  This (to me) implies he’s boys with Drizzy Drake Rogers.  Then Meek raps that “we know one thing … fuck fame and fuck fame.”  Even more coincidentally, Chris Brown’s last album was title FAME.  Furthermore, Meek says “fuck fame” twice, possibly hinting at a double meaning?  definitely declaring “fuck fame and FUCK CHRIS BROWN.

Love it Meek.  LOVE IT.

PREACH!!

Debate Rant

The second Presidential Debate was yesterday and I don’t care what any FOX news correspondent says, Barack Obama whooped Mitt Romney.  There is only one way to describe Obama’s performance last night and that’s, straight up, Reagan-esque.

Anyway I don’t really want to talk about the candidates’ performances, What I really want to talk about is this faux outrage surrounding Candy Crowley fact checking during the debate.

You can catch what I’m talking about at the end of the video above, but basically what happened was Mitt Romney said something untrue, Barack Obama corrected him, the two then disagreed on the facts, then Candy Crowley told them the facts, simple.

This led to the right crying favoritism.

-Glenn Beck tweeted,  “Candy loves to police Romney!”

-Americans for Limited Government said, “Crowley’s behavior goes beyond despicable as it was a blatant attempt to influence the presidential election,”

-Rush Limbaugh said, “She committed an act of journalistic terror or malpractice last night. If there were any journalist standards, what she did last night would have been the equivalent of blowing up her career like a suicide bomber.”

[Side Note: This is just more proof that Reps know there guy lost the debate last night, so they’re trying to discredit the moderator.  To be fair, Dems did the same thing to poor Jim Lehrer after the first debate.] 

Anyway back to the point at hand,  why is politics the ONLY forum where a person can blatantly lie and not be held responsible?

Here’s a bold idea, how about we embrace this whole “fact checker” thing?

Here’s an even more bold idea, when someone bullshits, YOU CALL BULLSHIT!

This is not “journalistic malpractice?”  This is journalistic integrity.  Journalists have a responsibility to inform the public.  Not sit idly by while someone slanders an American President.  Of course this faux outrage is only because it reiterates the reality that Romney plays fast and loose with the facts.  Something, Romney pollster, Neil Newhouse has already confirmed when he made it clear, “we are not going to let our campaign be dictated by fact-checkers.”

Now of course Mitt is not alone in having some fun at the expense of facts, Obama, like any politician, does his fair share of manipulating the truth (you can read here each sides’ misstatements) but my point is, why shouldn’t there be fact checkers at the debate?  I know the news media will tell you it’s too difficult to fact check in real time, but to steal a phrase from Joe Biden, that’s a bunch of malarkey.  Mitt Romney’s been running for president for SIX years, Barack Obama has been President for four.  Each of these guys have answered these debate questions in some form or another a million times, so it shouldn’t be too difficult to figure out what talking points each candidate will trot out.

Here’s my overall point.  If you have fact checkers at the debate each candidate will understand that they HAVE to be honest or risk being called a liar on national TV.  That’s how you make each candidate responsible for what they say.

In closing, I think we should have Will McAvoy moderate the next debates.

Rant Ended.

VP Debate: The Analysis

Last night was a busy TV day, between  new episodes of 30 Rock and The League, there was also Yankee playoff baseball and Thursday Night Football, but none of that  could compare to the most entertaining thing on TV last night.

The Vice Presidential Debate.  Well to be more specific Joe Biden’s facial expressions during the Vice Presidential Debate.

Because, I’m your go to political analyst (or at least I should be).  I broke down Joe’s best facial expressions and what was going on in his head.

The Five Greatest Marriages of All-Time

5.  James Carville and  Mary Matalin

So what if James Carville draws a striking resemblance to Golem from Lord of the Rings?  So what if he may have framed Roger Rabbit?  And so what if Mary Matalin is contractually obligated to only wear clothing in pantsuit form?  Shakespeare had  Romeo and Juliet, we have Carville and Matalin.  Instead of the Montagues and the Capulets, it’s the Bushs and the Clintons.  In the 1992 presidential election, Carville was campaign manager for Bill Clinton while Matalin was campaign manager for George H.W Bush.  In 1993 they were married.  In 2012, they still don’t agree and they’re still adorable.

4.  Jay-Z and Beyonce

Watch the 03 Bonnie & Clyde video.  Now watch the Crazy in Love video.  You just watched arguably the two coolest people in the world, and they’re married.  Think about that for a second and let it set in, THE TWO COOLEST PEOPLE IN THE WORLD ARE MARRIED.  I guess that makes sense, but I still can’t quite wrap my head around it, shouldn’t a relationship have some sort of “cool quota”?  It’s just unfair.  When they’re not making platinum albums or selling out stadiums, they’re hanging out at the White House with Barry and Michelle or kicking it with Gwyneth and Chris or just chopping it up with O.  To reiterate these are two coolest people IN THE WORLD, and yeah, they just combined chromosomes to make a baby AKA Blue Ivey AKA the future leader of the free world.

3.  Brad and Tori

Who says you can’t find love on reality TV?  Brad was on The Real World San Diego (the original), Tori was on Road Rules 2007: Viewers Revenge (anyone else remember Road Rules?), they met on RW/RR Challenge: The Gauntlet III (MTV’s best piece of programming EVER).  Brad played the consummate good guy (albeit a bit dim) who ALWAYS got screwed in the end (and was the ONLY worthy foil to CT).  Tori was the beauty queen/emotional wreck.  After eight Challenges, three finals and one of the greatest Challenge moments ever, Brad finally won (with Tori at his side of course), had a baby and retired from reality TV.  To Brad and Tori (yeah, that’s Wes, Evan and Cameran in the wedding party).

2.  Clair and Cliff Huxtable

I don’t often use this word, but there’s only one word that accurately describes Cliff Huxtable.  And that word is, SWAG.  Combine Cliff’s swag with Clair’s class and you get one of the greatest marriages ever.  A marriage that yielded four of the coolest kids around and Vanessa.  I can’t explain it, just watch:

What did I tell you?  SWAG.

1.  John and Donna Massaro

This picture was taken thirty years ago today on my parent’s first wedding anniversary.  Yep, that makes today my parent’s 31st Anniversary.  And they have unequivocally the greatest marriage of all time.  I put full blame on them for my disillusions of love at first sight and believing in “one true loves.”  They’re in their sixties now and I can still catch them making out on the couch, which is mostly gross but still sort of endearing.  They still go out dancing at least once a week.  They still take trips out east to visit the wineries or head into the city to catch a Broadway show.  But most nights they just sit next to each other and watch their shows on CBS until my Dad falls asleep on the couch and my mother wakes him and tells him to come up to bed.  Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad.  Not to be overly sentimental, but I think all I want, is what they have.