The 2016 Plan

In my constant pursuit of finding a way to make money whilst putting in the least amount of effort possible, I came up with an idea.  I once read about a guy who would buy domain names of prospective athletes and then, when said athletes became big, he would sell the domain name to the athlete and make a buttload of money.

Sounds foolproof.

With the next Presidential election four years away, I figured I’d get a jump on the prospective candidates and cash in.  After getting excited about the prospect of making a quick (relatively speaking) buck off the backs of some rich politicians it seemed perfect.

Now it was time to buy up some domain names.

I started with the blue chippers, Hillary, Ryan, Christie.  Of course, I was late on all of them.

christie

I tried the savior/Poland Spring enthusiast, Marco Rubio.  No luck.

marcoRicky Rubio on the other hand…

ricky

It was time to settle for some dark horses.  For only $50, I could bet on General Petraeus changing his mind.  Not terrible, but also most likely a waste of $50.

david

Someone else was trying to sell SarahPalin2016.com for $50,0000, which would be the like me trying to sell my Tabasco the bull Beanie Baby on ebay for the equivalnt of – I don’t know – $50.000.

sarah

Even the C-listers were taken.

deval

 

Really Deval?  Get over yourself.

Having lost all hope, I turned to the D-List.  Dennis Kucinich.  And there it was, those beautiful words everyone wants to read, “Congratulations! denniskucinich2016.com is available.”

dennisI’ve already sent Dennis about fifty emails urging him to make a run in 2016.

Okay, I’ll admit it, I was behind the ball for 2016, but that doesn’t mean it was a bad idea.  I just have to set my sights further down the road.  maliaMaliaObama2052.com is mine.  Money in the bank.  Now, I’m going to put this up as collateral, get myself a $50,000 loan and move out of my parents basement.

Time to make it rain.

Five Reasons Hillary Won’t Be President in 2016

Hillary Clinton’s been unemployed for a little less than a week, and I’ve already read about a million articles anointing her the next President of the Unites States.  Here’s the thing though, she won’t be.  That’s not a slight against her personally (I supported her in 2008 – for the record).  The reasons she won’t have little to do with her and have even less to do with her politics.

There’s no questioning her credentials.  She would probably be one of the most qualified candidates to ever run, she’s tremendously popular (her favorability rating only trail, her beau, Bill and first lady Michelle Obama) and she’s a damn good politician, but none of that really matters.  Here’s five reason she won’t be the President in 2016.

She’s Old

This is very superficial  but very much a factor in Presidential elections.  In 2016, Hillary will be 69 years old, which would make her the second oldest non-incumbent President ever elected.  That’s twenty-two years older than Obama, fifteen years older than Bush 43, twenty-three years older than Bill and five years older than Bush 41 when they each, respectively, took office.  Ronald Reagan was the oldest President to be elected (also at 69), but while deemed a successful President, he was dogged by rumors about his age, his slipping mental health and eventually entered the beginning stages of Alzheimer’s in his second term (not a good precedent).

Next in Line

While being “next in line” seems like a good thing, it’s not, especially if you plan on running as a Democrat.  No “next in line” non-incumbent Democrat has won the presidency in the post FDR era.  Barack Obama, Bill Clinton, Jimmy Carter and JFK, were all considered Washington “outsiders”, who all ran on the same idea.  Change.  Furthermore, experience is often an important indicator of who will not win as a Democratic Nominee.  Democratic “next in line” candidates with strong quantifications have a remarkably terrible record in national elections (see: Al Gore, Walter Mondale or Adlai Stevenson II).

Andrew Cuomo

As of this exact moment, Hillary’s number one threat for the Democratic spot on the ticket is Andrew Cuomo.  The New York Governor who formerly served in the original Clinton administration already has a Presidential buzz following him.  He’s a favorite among liberals, beating President Obama to the punch on same-sex marriage, gun control and tax reform.  He received positive national attention for his handling of Hurricane Sandy.  He’s younger than Hillary, he’s from a popular Democratic legacy (albeit not as popular as the Clinton legacy, but still) and would no doubt be organized and well funded for a Presidential campaign.

The Republicans – Christie, Rubio, Ryan, Bush, Jindel and Super Dark House Petraeus

There’s been a lot made about the changing demographics of America and “the death” of the Republican Party.  To borrow a phrase from Joe Biden, that’s all a bunch of malarkey.  The truth is presidential primaries are very much like NBA drafts.  Some years are full of duds, some years are filled with studs,  The last two Republican primaries have been very much of the dud variety, so much so, that Herman Cain was, for a moment, the front runner in 2012 and that Sarah Palin was second on the ticket in 2008.  That’s not good.  The 2016 crop of potential candidates have the potential to be extremely strong.  To be honest, I think it’s really only a two man race, but some other names have to be given some respect.  First off, Bobby Jindel aka “the Indian Kenneth the Page” won’t win, but is definitely emerging as a party leader.  Paul Ryan is a tea party favorite and a good campaigner, but will probably be sunk by his association with Mitt Romney.  Jeb Bush is also being bandied as a possible 2016er, and even though a Clinton-Bush grudge match would be highly entertaining, being the brother and son of two unpopular Presidents is not going to do him any favors.  That leaves two heavyweight candidates, Chris Christie and Marco Rubio.  Rubio is sort of the Republican version of Barack Obama, a young minority change candidate, who is a strong communicator and extremely likable.  Christie is sort of a William Taft candidate, considering he’ll probably need a customized bath tube in White House.  Also, it’s worth mentioning Gen. David Petraeus as a super dark horse, even though he says he has no political aspirations and he ended his career in controversy, he’d definitely be a force if he decided to run and, if the Clintons taught us anything, it’s infidelity is no deal breaker when it comes to politics.

Barack Obama

More often than not Presidential elections are a referendum on the last President’s popularity.  McCain was sunk by Dubya’s incompetence.  Gore was hurt by Bill’s inability to keep it in his pants.  Bush 41 was buoyed by the overwhelming popularity of Reagan.  The Nixon scandals torpedoed Ford in ’76.  The LBJ policy in Vietnam did nothing to help Huhphrey in ’68.  Basically, what I’m saying is Obama holds a major responsibility in getting Hillary (or any other Democrat) elected in 2016.  If he slips up in his second term, it could spell doom for a potential Hillary Presidency.

The King

When I was younger, maybe first or second grade, I thought Abraham Lincoln was America’s first black President.  I also though he and Martin Luther King Jr were best friends.  Eventually I got my history straightened out.

Today is Martin Luther King Jr Day.

Every MLK Day, since the inception of YouTube, I spend a good chunk of this day watching old MLK speeches and interviews.  I’m by no means a MLK scholar.  I recognize there were a lot of intricacies and nuances in his politics, tactics and moral character I don’t even know about, but I still deem him one of the greatest men in American history.  A truly inspirational man who preached equality, peace and unity.

It occurs to me, that so many great historical progressive figures that stood for the same values of King have been assassinated.  Abraham Lincoln, Mahatma Gandhi, John F Kennedy, Robert Kennedy and, of course, Martin Luther King Jr himself.  I know I’m not the first person to make that observation, but I think it’s an important one.

It’s a testament.  A testament that these values, Equality, Peace and Unity threaten the close mined so much they are driven to murder.  But more than that.  It’s a testament that while the bearers of these values may perish, the legacy of these men live on.  That we continue to move forward and not backwards.  That equality,  peace and unity are more powerful than fear, intolerance and hate.  That evil cannot and will not triumph over good.

Happy Martin Luther King Jr Day.

“Nonviolence is the answer to the crucial political and moral questions of our time: the need for man to overcome oppression and violence without resorting to oppression and violence. Man must evolve for all human conflict a method which rejects revenge, aggression and retaliation. The foundation of such a method is love.” – Martin Luther King Jr

The Greg Massaro Power Rankings

Here it is.  The first ever power rankings of what I deem important/what’s amazing/what I’m thinking about right now at this exact point in time.

Notable omissions  the Knicks/honey nut cheerios, NFL playoffs, Jimmy Fallon

8.  CharlieRose.com

My main source of “entertainment” for the last week has been watching old/newish Charlie Rose episodes on his site.  I’ve gone into my Charlie Rose fetish (sorry for that visual) in previous posts, so I won’t bore you, but two things hold it back from being higher on the list, 1) for some reason the site ceases to exist between midnight and 1 am (?), 2) no video pre-2010 works.  What the ‘F’ Charlie?

7.  Girls

Girls is due back on TV soonish, like this Sunday, I think.  I’ve already made my love of this show known and I’m ready for my next dose of Hannah.  Plus, Donald Glover aka Childish Gambino aka Troy Barnes shows up this season, so that should be good.  I’m totally all in on Girls II: Electric Boogaloo.

6.  Platinum Coin

If you’re not following this news story, it’s just ridiculous, supposedly there is a slim chance that the government will mint a 1 trillion dollar coin to avoid a debt crisis.  File this under the “it’s just crazy enough it might work” level of governance.  While I’m not an economist, this is just plain stupid and I kind of hope it happens.

5.  Kristen from Top Chef

If you’ve watched Top Chef at all this season, you’ll probably agree it’s been a pretty boring season.  Outside of Kristen, no cheftestant has any personalty.  And outside Kristen, no cheftestant has a chance to win.  Mixing her boyish haircut and abnormally long neck, she wins nearly every challenge and makes me super jealous whenever Stephon hits on her.

4,  Baseball Hall of Fame

Things I hate, cheaters (it’s number one on my list).  Today, the baseball Hall of Fame elected exactly zero new members, I kind of thought Craig Biggio would get in, he’ll get it eventually, but more importantly the BBHoF gave a big fuck you to known steroid cheat-faces like Roger Clemens and Barry Bonds, it also gave a kind of nut tap to, guilty by bacne association, Mike Piazza.  I don’t care if these guy had Hall of Fame credentials even before they cheated, they disgraced the game and deserve to be punished.

3.  Rihanna

Rihanna themed tumblrs is one of only two reasons I still frequent tumblr.   She is the sexist human being alive (I will fight anyone that says otherwise) and Pour It Up is already in heavy consideration as my favorite song of the New Year (even though I guess “technically” it was released last year).  I’m going to say it again, if anyone knows RiRi pass her my digits (631-680-xxxx).

2.  Arrested Development

I’ve totally jumped back into binge watching Arrested Development on Hulu over the last week.  It’s even funnier then I remember.  I laugh out loud at least four or five times each episode.  Add to that, the recent announcement of new episodes coming May and, yeah, I’m excited.

1.  New Girl

I’m just going to say it, New Girl is my favorite show on TV right now.  I’m fairly sure Nick Miller is based on my life.  Zooey Deschanel is absolutely adorkable (I hate that I just used that word, but it’s perfect).  And Nick and Jess GIFS are the number two reason I still pay attention to tumblr.  I love everything about this show and I don’t care if that somehow makes me less of a man.  (more of my thoughts on New Girl here)

My End of The World Super Team

In a little less than a month the world will end.

If you think I’m being sarcastic you are sadly sadly mistaken.

I am not usually a conspiracy theorist, but I fully believe that the Mayans were right and the world will end on December 21, 2012 (unless and only unless John Cusack can save us). I’m not sure how it will happen: Giant Asteroid, Zombie Apocalypse, Kei$ha takeover? But I am beyond certain it will happen. And I’m also pretty sure the government knows how it will happen (but that a whole ‘nother story).

Anyway in preparation for the end of the world I am curating an End of the Wold Super Team. This team hasn’t been assembled yet, but here’s your chance to join.

Qualifications:

You must be over 18 years old.
You must be okay with me playing Pop That ad nauseum.
You must love Road Trips (that includes the actual act of road tripping and the movie).

If you qualify and would like to join my End Of The World Super Team, you may apply by answering the next 10 questions and emailing them to gregmassaro2@gmail.com. If I like what I see there may be a follow up interview conducted via email, phone or person to person.

Questionnaire

1. Name:
2. Sex:
3. Age:
4. Favorite Looney Tune Character:
5. What your self imposed nickname would be (and why):
6. Your top three “end of the world” movies and what you learned from them:
7. Where you were the moment you realized Pop That was the most amazing thing of 2012:
8. Three reasons Ryan Reynolds is terrible:
9. One special skill:
10: Preferred Way of Killing a Zombie:

Applications will be accepted up till December 20th. Good Luck and if you’re not chosen no worries, just know that you’re good enough.

That is all.