Barack and Michelle’s First Date
First off, a whole day first date? Are you kidding me, Barack? That’s confidence. Think about how many things can (and do) go wrong on a first date, think about all the awkward silences, the misread signs, and you’re committing a whole day to that? Most people meet for drinks at a Starbucks or lunch at a small neighborhood place, you know something quick, simple and easily escapable, not Barack.
Secondly, the Art Institute on the first date? Pretentious or baller, I’m not sure, but look how proud he is of this (below). I hope he, at least, took a few Art History classes at Columbia, or else, that’s a lot of walking around, looking at paintings, and trying to come up with something pseudo-intellectual to say.
Follow all that with lunch (in front of a fountain), a long walk and a Spike Lee movie, that’s like three dates in one for the average male, and definitely not a standard first date. That’s what we call Obama Swag. Now let’s juxtapose that to my top three first date scenarios and see how they compare.
Call or text (most likely text) potential female suitor and ask if she want’s to go to the movies tomorrow night. Meet at theater, talk a little on line, buy her popcorn, talk a bit during previews, watch movie, talk a bit after movie. End of date. Wait to see if I get the post-date text, something along the lines of, “that was fun, let’s do it again sometime.” The post-date text is crucial in determining the success of the first date.
Obama Swag Scale – 3/10
Text female suitor an hour to three hours before going to a party/bar. Text reads something like, “Hey…my friend’s having a party…you should come” (note the use of ellipse, I’m a big fan of ellipse in texts). If she comes, I try and read whether she’s there as a friend or a “friend.” If it’s the former, I drink, introduce her to my friends, drink, try and create a big circle conducive to socializing and drink more. If its the latter, I drink, introduce her to my friends, drink, separate her from my friends, drink, try and figure out how/when to make my move.
Obama Swag Scale – 0.5/10
Find something cool (and preferably free/cheap) to do in the city (street fair, sporting event, concert, ect). Search the internet for a “cool” bar with a good happy hour*. Once again, call or text potential female suitor and ask if she want’s to go out. Meet at the bar, drink, go to event, enjoy event, part ways. Wait for the post-date text.
Obama Swag Scale – 6.5/10
* “‘Cool’ bar with a good happy hour” can be replaced by, “buy a a few tall boys and go to the park.”