The Top 86 Quotes From The 40 Year Old Virgin

1.  Ahhh Kelly Clarkson!!!

2.  You know how I know you’re gay?  You like Coldplay.

3.  Let’s get some fucking french toast.

4.  Is it true if you don’t use it, you lose it? 

5.  You look like a man-o-lantern.

6.  She was ho…for sho.

7.  If I hear Yah Mo B There one more time, I’m going to Yah Mo Burn this place to the ground.

8.  You know, when you, like, you grab a woman’s breast… and you feel it and… it feels like a bag of sand when you’re touching it.

9.  Its suffering and its pain and then you lose weight, then you put back on the weight, then you call them a bunch of times, and then you try an email, but then they move or they change their email, but that’s just love.

10.  Dude, new pants.

11.  What’s curious George like in real life?

12.  I want you to use your peripherals.

13.  Love is a mysterious fig.

14. Be kind of a dick… be like David Caruso in Jade.

15.  I’ve borked a lot of women in my day.

16.  Dude, it’s no big deal if you like to fuck guys. It’s cool, I got friends who fuck guys…in jail.

17.  You know how I know you’re gay?  You macraméd yourself a pair of jean shorts.

18.  Fuck her and then have her send you a check for $12 on your birthday.

19.  I’m pretty sure he’s a serial murder.

20.  She’d be like, “oh you’re nailing me, cool.”

21.  Hey, hey, hey, hey.  Motherfucka.

22.  Do you like to do it yourself?

23.  Nipplefuck!

24.  Oh do me yo-yo master, I want you to do me, because you’re the yo-yo master.

25. Como se llama!

26.  Go plant that seed man, plant it with your finger.

27.  It looks mantastic.

28.  Me so horny, me so stupid.

29.  Hey guys, Betty Cocker.

30.  You’re putting the pussy on a pedestal.

31.  I need some poon.

32.  Fuck her while she watches murder she wrote.

33.  You know how I know you’re gay?  You liked the movie Maid in Manhattan.

34.  I don’t want to cram pimpage.

35.  I hope you have a big trunk, because I’m putting my bike in it.

36.  Oh Man, I love tities, so.

37.  I just want to get drunk, fucked up and play some cards.

38.  That tasted like shellfish.

39.  You know how I know you’re gay? I saw you make a spinach dip in a loaf of sourdough bread once.       

40.  Where do you put the penis?

41.  You wait until it grows into a plant, and then you fuck the plant.

42.  You know I may never have had sex, but I can fuck you up.

43.  Remember it’s more important that’s she’s drunk, then she’s hot.

44.  Look it’s Dr. Seuss’ penis, I really mean this.    

45.  You know how I know you’re gay? You have a rainbow bumper sticker on your car that says, “I like it when balls are in my face.”    

46.  You got to get past that, because no ass is worth thinking that much about, I always say.

47.  I’m very discreet, but I’ll haunt your dreams.

48.  In every man there’s a code that says tackle drunk bitches. 

49.  You framed an Asia poster?

50.  …but dad I don’t know how to love.  You never taught me how.

51.  This is Everybody Loves Raymond, that’s just a good show.  I tape it sometimes.

52.  You like her, yea you definitely don’t want to call her.

53.  I’m a virgin. Always have been.

54.  My grandma looks like Jack Palance.                  

55.  This is not a good look for me!

56.  I always thought Matt Damon was kind of a Streisand, but he’s rocking the shit in this one.

57.  You should keep your ho on a leash…bitches running wild.

58.  I watched this movie Liar Liar and the message was don’t lie, and that’s a smart movie.

59.  This is going to be bad.

60.  A vagina.

61.  Just ask questions.

62.  Stop smiling, you jerk.

63.  Haha…Psycho talk.

64.  We’re gonna need more wax. 

65.  Aim high, Willis, aim high.

66.  She’s adorable, fucking bitch.

67.  You pulled on two.  You pulled on two.

68.  Why you always telling me to fuck a goat?

69.  I like your sweater.  Does it come in a v neck?

70.  Your hat is sequence.

71.  Wow.  This is graphic.

72.  Everybody’s dick looks big on 60 inch TV.  My sister’s dick looks big on TV.

73.  Did you just flick me in the nuts?

74.  BonerJams ‘03.

75.  Too bad I retired my penis.

76.  I’m RSVPing, Yes.

77.  She’s dating this pot dealer. Stupid horrible decision. But, hey, that’s her journey, you know. I gotta respect that.

78.  You’re hands are on my belt.

79.  That’s always good to warm up.  You don’t want to pull something.

80.  You know what’s a fun game? Take 3 Excedrin PM’s and see if you can whack off before you fall asleep. You always win, that’s the best part about the game.

81.  I am Aquaman.

82.  Really?  All your girlfriends wanted to have sex with virgins, too?

83.  And now I’m making your silver pants blue.

84.  I ride a bike…bicycle

85.  My uncle used to drive a ho-runner.

86.  Hey, enjoy your orange.        


2 thoughts on “The Top 86 Quotes From The 40 Year Old Virgin

  1. Pingback: “The 40 Year Old Virgin”: Having sex has never been so difficult « Radu presents: The Movie-Photo Blog

  2. your hat has SEQUINS.
    BUT I gotta say, I was concerned you weren’t going to put “enjoy your orange” but you came through at the last minute…

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