I’ve been told, I can be pretty elusive to get a hold of. The following charts will explain why.
Why I’m Not Texting You Back in a Timely Manner
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Why I’m Not Answering Your Calls
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For a long time I was a very casual Radiohead
fan appreciator. When I say “very casual,” I mean I knew who Thom Yorke was, I knew he was incredibly respected by other artists and I knew about four or five songs by title. Then I saw Radiohead live at Bonnaroo and…wow. Like something from a Sci-Fi novel, Radiohead crawled into my ear and encompassed all my thoughts. For a little over a week now, I have almost exclusively listened to Radiohead, burning through (most of) their discography (multiple times).
I know they’re super famous (they’ve sold over 30 million albums worldwide) and extremely highly regarded (Rolling Stone ranked them as the 73rd greatest artists of all time), but what amazes me is, when I tell people I saw Radiohead at Bonnaroo, I am almost always met with the same response. Blank stare, followed by “who else did you see?” I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, three weeks ago I probably would have had a similar reaction, but after delving deep into the annuals of Radiohead, I feel like the mere mention of Radiohead should elicit a stronger emotion than sheer apathy.
Musically, Radiohead are so dense and weird. They’re so challenging (in a good way) to listen to. Each track begs for focused and multiple re-listens, this isn’t LMFAO top 40 stuff, this is deep. This isn’t “feel good” music for a breezy summer afternoon. This is haunting, chilling, sometimes tear inducing music, and it’s awesomely amazing (yeah, awesomely amazing, that was just said).
To try and spread this musical goodness to the masses/people like me a few weeks ago, I have curated “A Beginner’s Guide to Radiohead”. Let me make myself clear, this is NOT a Best Of or Greatest Hits compilation. This is a Beginner’s Guide. I’ve compiled songs, I feel that are easily palatable for new listeners to digest in order to wet their appetite for deeper, richer, more complex Radiohead tracks (you start with cheddar and swiss and work your way up to gorgonzola and roquefort). I included songs from each album (with the notable exception of “In Rainbows,” because it’s not available on Spotify), to show their musical dexterity. I also tried to keep the playlist to about an hour to promote one session listening.
Before I present you with the Beginner’s Guide to Radiohead let me say, there are surely many people, more qualified to create a Beginner’s Guide to Radiohead than I, but they didn’t and I did, so enjoy.
B. T. Dubs. This is fantastic…”5% trying to atone for accidentally inventing Coldplay.”
Odds are depending on what news source you trust will greatly impact your view on today’s landmark Supreme Court decision on
Obamacare the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act. Either, it’s Obama and his socialist cronies circumventing the Constitution and levying new taxes on the American public or it’s Obama (and the Supreme Court) scoring a huge victory for the right for fair and affordable Health Care for all people.
Or maybe, just maybe, it’s somewhere in between.
Nora Ephron passed away yesterday at 71 years old. For those of you not familiar with Nora, she wrote When Harry Met Sally, which happens to be one of my favorite movies.
Is it a total chick flick? Definitely.
Do I watch it every time it’s on TV? Hell yeah.
Have I ever cried during it? No comment.
As a big salute to Nora Ephron’s incredible script/movie. Here are four of the most memorable scenes from When Harry Met Sally.
Here is where the whole “men and women cannot not be friends” theory came to from (Annex). Is it true? Umm, not totally but, kind of.
Okay, so this isn’t one scene in particular, it’s more of a compilation, but old people talking about love is absolutely adorable. To hell with cynicism.
Call me a sap, but this is a perfect Rom-Com ending. Frank Sinatra in the background, the running through New York City, the impassioned speech, the faint tears, the kiss, Auld Lang Syne, the playful banter. Future Wife be warned, this is how I will profess my love to you.
Everything about this scene has already been said, so, yeah.
Also, Big Shout Out to some other Nora Ephron classics; My Blue Heaven, Sleepless in Seattle and You’ve Got Mail.
R.I.P. Nora Ephron 1941 -2012
Today, my favorite non-family member turns 38 years old.
With 3,181 hits, Jeter has the third most hits ever by his 38th birthday (only Hank Aaron and Ty Cobb had more).
And he did it the right way. No chemically induced seasons needed.
I’ve only been in one fight in my life, but call Derek Jeter over-rated and I will punch you in the face.
Also, I’m naming my first born daughter Jeter (future wife, this is non-negotiable).
Due to my infatuation with sunglasses, I have curated The Sunglasses Hall of Fame. The Sunglasses Hall of Fame will honor those who have shown a steadfast appreciation for sunglasses, have pushed sunglass culture further and have influenced the current sunglass landscape.
I, alone, will act as The Sunglasses Hall of Fame selection committee.
Now without further ado, the first ever member of The Sunglasses Hall of Fame is…
Mr. Thomas Cruise Mapother IV.
Tom Cruise is inducted for his uncompromising dedication to the sunglass tradition. As well as his remarkable dexterity in sunglass fashion. Whether it’s classic Wayfarer (pictured above), bad-ass aviators (pictured below) or anything in between, Tom Cruise has always rocked sunglasses like a bawse.
Classic Tom Cruise Sunglass Moments include:
Congratulations to Tom Cruise, the inaugural member of The Sunglasses Hall of Fame.
1. Ahhh Kelly Clarkson!!!
2. You know how I know you’re gay? You like Coldplay.
3. Let’s get some fucking french toast.
4. Is it true if you don’t use it, you lose it?
5. You look like a man-o-lantern.
6. She was ho…for sho.
7. If I hear Yah Mo B There one more time, I’m going to Yah Mo Burn this place to the ground.
8. You know, when you, like, you grab a woman’s breast… and you feel it and… it feels like a bag of sand when you’re touching it.
9. Its suffering and its pain and then you lose weight, then you put back on the weight, then you call them a bunch of times, and then you try an email, but then they move or they change their email, but that’s just love.
10. Dude, new pants.
11. What’s curious George like in real life?
12. I want you to use your peripherals.
13. Love is a mysterious fig.
14. Be kind of a dick… be like David Caruso in Jade.
15. I’ve borked a lot of women in my day.
16. Dude, it’s no big deal if you like to fuck guys. It’s cool, I got friends who fuck guys…in jail.
17. You know how I know you’re gay? You macraméd yourself a pair of jean shorts.
18. Fuck her and then have her send you a check for $12 on your birthday.
19. I’m pretty sure he’s a serial murder.
20. She’d be like, “oh you’re nailing me, cool.”
21. Hey, hey, hey, hey. Motherfucka.
22. Do you like to do it yourself?
24. Oh do me yo-yo master, I want you to do me, because you’re the yo-yo master.
25. Como se llama!
26. Go plant that seed man, plant it with your finger.
27. It looks mantastic.
28. Me so horny, me so stupid.
29. Hey guys, Betty Cocker.
30. You’re putting the pussy on a pedestal.
31. I need some poon.
32. Fuck her while she watches murder she wrote.
33. You know how I know you’re gay? You liked the movie Maid in Manhattan.
34. I don’t want to cram pimpage.
35. I hope you have a big trunk, because I’m putting my bike in it.
36. Oh Man, I love tities, so.
37. I just want to get drunk, fucked up and play some cards.
38. That tasted like shellfish.
39. You know how I know you’re gay? I saw you make a spinach dip in a loaf of sourdough bread once.
40. Where do you put the penis?
41. You wait until it grows into a plant, and then you fuck the plant.
42. You know I may never have had sex, but I can fuck you up.
43. Remember it’s more important that’s she’s drunk, then she’s hot.
44. Look it’s Dr. Seuss’ penis, I really mean this.
45. You know how I know you’re gay? You have a rainbow bumper sticker on your car that says, “I like it when balls are in my face.”
46. You got to get past that, because no ass is worth thinking that much about, I always say.
47. I’m very discreet, but I’ll haunt your dreams.
48. In every man there’s a code that says tackle drunk bitches.
49. You framed an Asia poster?
50. …but dad I don’t know how to love. You never taught me how.
51. This is Everybody Loves Raymond, that’s just a good show. I tape it sometimes.
52. You like her, yea you definitely don’t want to call her.
53. I’m a virgin. Always have been.
54. My grandma looks like Jack Palance.
55. This is not a good look for me!
56. I always thought Matt Damon was kind of a Streisand, but he’s rocking the shit in this one.
57. You should keep your ho on a leash…bitches running wild.
58. I watched this movie Liar Liar and the message was don’t lie, and that’s a smart movie.
59. This is going to be bad.
60. A vagina.
61. Just ask questions.
62. Stop smiling, you jerk.
63. Haha…Psycho talk.
64. We’re gonna need more wax.
65. Aim high, Willis, aim high.
66. She’s adorable, fucking bitch.
67. You pulled on two. You pulled on two.
68. Why you always telling me to fuck a goat?
69. I like your sweater. Does it come in a v neck?
70. Your hat is sequence.
71. Wow. This is graphic.
72. Everybody’s dick looks big on 60 inch TV. My sister’s dick looks big on TV.
73. Did you just flick me in the nuts?
74. BonerJams ‘03.
75. Too bad I retired my penis.
76. I’m RSVPing, Yes.
77. She’s dating this pot dealer. Stupid horrible decision. But, hey, that’s her journey, you know. I gotta respect that.
78. You’re hands are on my belt.
79. That’s always good to warm up. You don’t want to pull something.
80. You know what’s a fun game? Take 3 Excedrin PM’s and see if you can whack off before you fall asleep. You always win, that’s the best part about the game.
81. I am Aquaman.
82. Really? All your girlfriends wanted to have sex with virgins, too?
83. And now I’m making your silver pants blue.
84. I ride a bike…bicycle
85. My uncle used to drive a ho-runner.
86. Hey, enjoy your orange.