What Suits Me

Few things look better than a nice suit.  I own two suits.  One charcoal, one slate.  I hate both of them.

This is the charcoal one.

You can’t tell by the picture, but this suit also has thin pinstripes.

This is the slate one.

Once again the picture/lighting is not great, this suit is a bit lighter in person.

Anyway, those are my two suits.  I don’t really like either of them, to me they’re both kind of – blah.  I’m not exactly sure why I chose/bought them.  I vaguely remember the salesmen picking them out and assuring me they looked great, I remember thinking, “well he’s a professional.”  So I bought them and was left with (almost) immediate buyers remorse.

Here’s where things get more complicated or simpler, depending on your how you look at it.  I knew exactly the three types of suit I want.

One Black.

Simple. Clean. Classic. Skinny tie. White pocket square. Slim fit. Love it.

     One Light Grey.

Something light, something fresh, something dripping swagoo (did I use that right?).  Not the first time I’m biting Gosling (non-sexual) won’t be the last.

One Blue.

Turning away from the achromatic theme and showing some spunk.  Summertime suit, eye catching, different without being obnoxious.

Okay, so there’s my dream wardrobe (of the suit variety).  Now, who wants to lend me a couple grand to make it happen?

Anyone?

Anyone?

The Amalgam of Me

A while ago, I shameless stole this idea, tweaked it a bit, and then called it my own.  Well, I’m up to it again.

Truth be told, I steal a lot of things and call them my own.  Sometimes, I consciously steal them, sometimes, I don’t even realize I stole them.  Now, I’m not talking about stealing tangible items, I’m talking about stealing the intangibles of a person, their character traits, habits, style, views, sayings, inspirations, etcetera.  All these things create an Amalgam of Me.

The pie chart below will effectively explain, how exactly I became me. Twenty-three years, nine months and six days in the making.

****The Amalgam of Me in Pie Form****
(click pie to enlarge)

*******************************************************

Derek Jeter – 18%

A complete aversion to doing  anything controversial.
Showing minimal emotion.
Leading by example.
Never airing out grievances.
Deflecting personal question.
Never making excuses.
Playing through injuries.
Fist Pumping.
Giving the women I bed gift baskets.

George Costanza – 14%

Overall disposition to the world.
Views on career.
Views on women.
Views on baby names.
Sleeping at work.  

Steve Carell (Michael Scott) – 7%

Saying “That’s what she said.”
Doing things so unfunny to the people around me, that I (and only I) find hysterical.
Writing a terrible screenplay based on myself.
50% of my sense of humor.

Steve Carell (The 40 Year Old Virgin) – 7%

Saying “This is not a good look for me!”
Screaming “Ahhh Kelly Clarkson!!!”
Being completely awkward.
Playing the underdog.
Other 50% of my sense of humor.

Jimmy Fallon – 6%

Calling people, “pal.”
Laughing really hard at things not necessary funny.
Acting overly enthusiastic.
Slim fitting suits.
Wishing I was best friends with Justin Timberlake.

Paul Rudd – 5%

Relishing the sidekick role.
Saying “Totes Mcgotes.”
Making fun of Coldplay.

Frank Sinatra – 4%

Drinking red wine.
Acting like a stereotypical Italian-American.
Acting like a stereotypical New York-American.

Ernest Hemingway – 4%

Inspiration to write.
Desire to run with the bulls.
Romanticizing boxing.
Drinking.

Drake – 4%

Wearing crewneck sweatshirts.
Irrational love for sweaters.
Saying “be you” and “I’m doing me.”
Beefing with Chris Brown.

Ryan Gosling – 3%

An attempt at the haircut above.
Sporadically growing a beard.

Seth Rogen – 3%

Making extremely obscure pop culture references.

Rembert Browne – 3%

This entire blog.
This specific post.

 Peter Gibbons – 3%

Destroying office equipment.
General apathy.

 Crash Davis – 3%

Everything I believe in.

 Joseph Gordon-Levitt – 3%

Listening to The Smiths.
Desire to make Alex Mack my girlfriend, circa 1999.
Desire to make Zooey Deschanel my girlfriend,circa present day.
Always believing in my team.

 Luke Skywalker – 2%

Unwavering crave to be the good guy.
Realizing girls like the bad boy.

Ben Stiller as Starsky – 2%

Dance-offs.

Lloyd Dobler – 2%

My plans for the future.
Dating behavior.

Kenny Powers – 2%

Loving America.

Ronaldo – 1%

Wearing long sleeves with shorts.

C.T. – 1%

Getting drunk and making my voice deeper.
Getting drunk and instigating fights.

Tom Cruise – 1%

Wayfayers.

 Vince Vaughn – 1%

Trash talking during sports–based video games.
Telling people they’re “so money.”

Martin Luther King Jr. – 1%

Believing that Love will save the world.

So yeah, that’s basically me.  All summed up.  As Jay-Z would say, “either love me or leave me alone.”

Greg. Out. (mic drop).

My Three Favorite Canadians

Listen, I’m a loyal U.S.A. patriot, but it dawned on me today that my favorite actor, my favorite comedian and one of my favorite singers, all hail from our neighbors up north, Canada.

Ryan Gosling (London, Ontario)

His dexterity as an actor is unmatched.  He can do this or this, and anything in between.  He owns movie star good looks, but doesn’t cede to Hollywood.  He chooses interesting and unconventional roles, which make him one the more exciting actors to watch.  Plus, he’s young enough (31) for me to consider him in my generation of actors (born in the 80s).  Oh and he does awesome things I wish I could do.

Norm MacDonald (Quebec City, Quebec)

If you stroll through my blog, my adulation for Norm will come as no surprise.  His unequivocal delivery and “fuck the audience” sensibilities make him so refreshingly unique.  He’s a must watch late night guest combining quick wit with his propensity to say anything.  And it seems like everyone has their own hilarious Norm stories.

Justin Bieber Drake (Toronto, Ontario)

I’m not going to go into this one much since I have something special lined up for him next week.  I’ll just say he’s about my age (two years older), makes music I can relate to, and boasts a pretty impressive resume.

So thank you Canada for some of my favorite entertainers.  It is greatly appreciated.

Hey Girl it’s The Gangster Squad

Simply put, Ryan Gosling is my favorite actor.  I make no excuses about it.  Since Half Nelson, I’ve been all in on Gosling, and he hasn’t disappointed.  Whether he played a crack smoking teacher, a six pack wielding Lothario, a badass wheel man, or dated a sex doll, he killed it.  He broke out big in 2011, starring in three films, Crazy, Stupid, Love, Drive and The Ides of March (plus he released Blue Valentine at the tail end of 2010).  What makes Gosling so interesting, is his choice in movie rolls.  They always seem fresh and unique.  He plays a diverse range of characters (cough Denzel, cough George) and he doesn’t seem to be chasing awards (cough Leo, cough Brad).  He has three more films slated to release in 2012, the first being The Gangster Squad (trailer above).

Now, here is where I say what I feel like has to be said.  This is the first Ryan Gosling movie, since 2006, I am not at all interested in seeing.  Maybe it’s because I feel like I’ve seen it before, once in  Chicago, once in the south and another time in New York.  I mean it undeniably boasts a terrific cast, Sean Penn, Josh Brolin, Nick Nolte, Emma Stone, c’mon, but nothing in this trailer draws me to see this movie.  Which brings me to the next thing I feel, has to be asked.  Has Ryan Gosling become too mainstream?  Following The Gangster Squad, he stars next to Bradley Cooper, the definition of mainstream (not a compliment).  Though, I still hold out hope.  In his third upcoming film of the year, Gosling reunites with Nicolas Winding Refn (director of Drive), for what Gosling describes as “the strangest thing I’ve ever read and it’s only going to get stranger.”

Truth be told, I’ll probably end up seeing The Gangster Squad and maybe, hopefully, it proves me wrong.

Bad Hair Day

Haircut, oh haircut.  How I dread thee.  Every few months it comes time for the dreaded haircut.  It makes me envy the days of visiting the orthodontist.  My hatred of the haircut comes from an amalgam of things.  My inability/dislike of small talk.  My ineptitude of communicating the description of the haircut I want.  And the inevitable reveal, almost always displeasing.  I loathe getting my haircut, so much so, in college I bought clippers and shaved my head, for three year I successfully evaded any barbershop, salon or stylist.  Like most things, I grew bored with my crew cut and started venturing back out to the hair professionals.  Even so, I never attend the same barber or stylist more than twice.  It’s a kin to a loveless marriage, I start to despise the person’s contact.  Making me a barbershop nomad, moving from place to place, chair to chair.

As my hair grew long and the temperatures rose, I felt it was time for a haircut and not just a trim, but new hairstyle.   Something short and worthy of the change of season.  I made an appointment at a local hair salon (one I had never been to before), did some research on the internet and found a style I liked.  While I usually frequent barbershops, this salon offered a change of pace, one that employed ‘stylists’ not ‘barbers’, something I felt needed to be done, considering the radical change in hairstyle.

I entered the salon and approached the front desk.  With a quick glance, I could assess I was the lone male in the salon.  I gave the girl my name, and to my surprise (and pleasure), she said ‘Chris’ would be taking care of me today.  Ah ha, I wasn’t the only man in the building, I had another male compadre.  Oh, no I was wrong, Chris is a female Kris,  back to my isolated male existence.  I sat in the chair and started telling her what I wanted.  I could tell by the look on her face that the ineffective jumble of words I strung together did a poor job of conveying what I wanted, so I took out my iPhone and showed her a picture (do people actually show pictures to their hairdressers??), I felt so lame (compounding my lameness was the fact that the picture was of Ryan Gosling, how stupid does it look to be like “here, can you make me look like the Sexist Man Alive, thanks”).  I did like Kris though, she was short on small talk (I love that).  Then as she snipped away it was perfect, not quite the style I asked for, but it looked fantastic.  I should have said something, because she just kept cutting, and soon it was gone.  A haircut worthy of my dread.  Let me be clear it wasn’t Kris’ fault, she gave me what I asked for, but the style just didn’t fit my face or my head shape.

While I don’t like the way the top of my head looks right now, I am optimistic.  Every cloud has a silver lining.  And I feel cautiously confident that it will grow in nicely and look much better in a week or so when it gets a bit longer.  For the meantime, it’s time to break out the Yankee cap.

My Top Romantic Comedies

I have a confession.  I have an unabashed love for romantic comedies.  I know this is far from the manliest proclamation I’ve ever made, but it is true.  While other guys dash to theaters to see Troy or 300, I would much rather buy a ticket to a good romantic comedy.  The keyword being ‘good’,  because in today’s movie landscape a good romantic comedy comes about as often as the Hale-Bopp comet.  Anything starring Jennifer Aniston, almost anything featuring Katherine Heigl and everything with Josh Duhumal is sure to be terrible. So without further ado, my top seven Rom Coms.

Honorable Mentions: 10 Things I Hate About You, Adventureland, Midnight in Paris, Wedding Crashers

7) Crazy, Stupid, Love.

A recent one starring two of my favorite actors, Steve Carell and Ryan Gosling, throw in the crush-worthy Emma Stone and the still hot (even at 51) Julianne Moore and you have a near perfect ensemble. If I could buy stock in actors I would have hit it huge with Carell and Gosling.  I rode the Carell bandwagon from his days on The Daily Show and lauded Gosling since Half Nelson.  Coming into this film everyone knew Carell could bring the funny and he did, but the question was could Gosling.  Like I said I have been a Ryan Gosling fan for years, everything from Half Nelson to Lars and the Real Girl to Blue Valentine, but I believe this film made him a bona fide movie star.  His raw charisma emanates from the screen like a young Jack Nicholson or George Clooney in his prime.                   

6) You’ve Got Mail

Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan made such an adorable couple in Joe Versus the Volcano they got together three years later for Sleepless in Seattle and then figured why not be adorable again in You’ve Got Mail.  Meg Ryan must have been built by some mad Hollywood producer in a lab somewhere, combining the perfect cocktail of attractiveness, delightfulness and pouting for the faultless Rom Com heroine.  Add Tom Hanks, arguably the most likeable guy in the Hollywood, and it’s really hard to miss.  So what if AOL is a thing of the past, and no one under the age of twenty even knows what AOL is.  These two invented online dating, well maybe not invented, but definitely popularized it.  Bonus it co-stars Dave Chappelle, so there’s that too.

5) 40 Year Old Virgin/ Knocked Up/ Forgetting Sarah Marshall

I lump these Judd Apatow classics together because it is just too hard to separate them, plus they are so far from the “classic romantic comedy” stereotype.  40 Year Old Virgin plays more as a buddy comedy for the first half of the film but it certainly dips into romantic comedy territory over the second half.  Earlier I said “almost anything featuring Katherine Heigl is terrible”, she can thank Knocked Up for that ‘almost’.  Forgetting Sarah Marshall probably functions the most as a romantic comedy of the trio, but with that being said, how many romantic comedies have you seen with full frontal male nudity.  Oh yea, remember when I said Tom Hanks is arguably the most likable guy in the Hollywood, his main competition is Paul Rudd.   

4) Say Anything…

I have made my fondness for Cameron Crowe known in earlier posts, so this should come as no surprise.  John Cusack plays Lloyd Dobler, a role he reprises in every film he’s starred in since.  I’m sorry, I don’t mean to take a dig at John Cusack, I actually really like him, but he is undoubtedly one note.  That’s okay though, when your one note is Lloyd Dobler, I’m fine with it.  Truth be told, in romantic situations I do regularly ask myself, “What Would Lloyd Dobler Do?”

3) (500) Days of Summer

Now we’re getting to the nitty gritty.  Although (500) Days of Summer claims not to be a love story, it certainly is a romantic comedy.  I just watched New Girl so my crush on Zooey Deschanel teeters at critical mass and you can thank this movie for starting that crush.  Also I’ve been a fan of Joseph-Gordon Levitt since 3^rd Rock from the Sun.  (500) Days of Summer is a hipster sweetheart, but don’t let that discourage you, it’s also a pretty awesome movie, plus (spoiler) it has the balls to not have the two main characters end up with each other.

2) When Harry Met Sally

Of course Meg Ryan pops up again, I thought I told you she was created by scientists to be the perfect female lead in any romantic comedy (predating 2003).  For my money When Harry Met Sally is the perfect romantic comedy.  You ever hear the expression “don’t try and reinvent the wheel,” well this film doesn’t try to reinvent the wheel, it just produces the perfect wheel.  It plays just like any cliché rom com you’ve seen a million times, but it executes everything so precisely and perfectly.  There is absolutely nothing groundbreaking about this movie and I don’t mean that as a criticism, it is just superbly acted, excellently written, beautifully shot, super funny and revolves around a great love story with likable leads.  And I haven’t even mentioned Billy Crystal yet, who is at the top of his comedic and charismatic powers.   But after all that it still isn’t my number one.

1) Annie Hall

My number one belongs to Annie Hall.  First I must admit my affection for Woody Allen. He is a magnificent writer, extremely funny and unbelievably smart.  Diane Keaton is wonderful in this film too, sort of the beta Zooey Deschanel, the original hipster crush.  It won four Oscars including Best Picture.  So much of this film awes me, its honesty, wit and style.  Annie Hall does not fall for the trappings of the conventional rom com (spoiler) he doesn’t get the girl at the end, but because of that it plays so sincere.  I have hard time writing about Annie Hall because my feelings toward it are so visceral; this film creeps into my mind at least two or three times a month, even if I have gone months without seeing it.  Truly a masterpiece.